


Father's Day

by ragnorfellintomyheart



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alec Lightwood feels a lot of things, Bad Parent Robert Lightwood, Cassandra Clare - Freeform, Character Death, Good Parent Robert Lightwood, Jace HERONDALE - Freeform, Other, Spoilers for Book 2: Lord of Shadows, The Dark Artifices - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-18
Updated: 2017-06-18
Packaged: 2018-11-15 13:33:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11232048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ragnorfellintomyheart/pseuds/ragnorfellintomyheart
Summary: Alec realises there were so many things he never got to say to his dad. And now it's too late.Aka I got really emotional about it being father's day so I wrote an equally emotional fic. Enjoy.





	Father's Day

**Author's Note:**

> This does include Lord Of Shadows spoilers so read at your own risk.

It wasn’t often that the streets of Idris were busy but today it had been so packed that by the time Alec had finally managed to slip away from the crowds, it was the late afternoon and the sun had begun to set over Angel Square, drowning everything in it’s orange light. As he watched it get brighter, he couldn’t help but think it looked like the square was about to set on fire with the light reflecting off of the windows and the water of the fountain. How ironic he thought as he parted with the people that were still milling around drinking and trying to make merry conversation despite the mood. Thankfully, this time no one stopped him as he turned the corner, finally alone for the first time in what felt like weeks. 

But it hadn’t been weeks though. It had barely been days since the attack had happened at the Accords Hall. The attack which had claimed the life of the Inquisitor and more importantly, Alec’s father. Since then, it had been nonstop action as the Shadowhunters made preparations for funerals, a man hunt for Annabel Blackthorn had been issued and they were already beginning the process of finding a new Inquisitor. As Alec was the eldest child in the Lightwood family, most of the planning had gone through him and he was exhausted. Everytime he tried to rest, someone would appear offering their condolences or handing him another form to fill out and then there was also Magnus… Magnus who was only barely strong enough to walk. 

The silence was comforting as he stepped into the Accords Hall, the only sounds coming from his feet as he walked across the marble floor towards the room that had been prepared specifically for the day. Alec took a deep breath as he stood at the door, suddenly wondering if this was a good idea at all. He had never been close to his father, especially not since the day he had kissed Magnus in this very building. His hand hovered on the door handle, only hesitating for a moment before pulling it open. The room had been decorated in pure white, flowers were strewn across the floor and surfaces and a single bed had been set in the middle. Alec walked carefully to the side of the bed, trying desperately not to crush any of the flowers. The room wasn’t meant to have visitors, it was purely to hold the body while the Silent Brothers made their arrangements in the Silent City. But Alec couldn’t see a body as he reached the bedside, he was looking at his father. He looked different somehow. For the majority of Alec’s life, Robert had been cold, always frowning and looking ten years older than he actually was. He looked younger now, the worry lines smoothed out across his forehead and the frown that he had become famous for, gone. Some might have said that the pair almost looked identical, the white suits contrasting against the black hair they had both inherited. Now he was standing here, his mind went completely blank. Alec had been thinking about what to say all day, had even written notes out during lunch. He had been prepared but standing now… all of his words seemed to disappear. He cleared his throat, his hands folded behind his back neatly. 

“Hey, dad.” It was two words, hardly anything sentimental, but Alec could already feel his throat get tighter. “I uh… I know I shouldn’t be here. You’d probably scold me if you could. But you can’t. Because you’re…” He couldn’t get the word out, it felt like poison in his mouth and for a second he thought he might be sick. Instead, he focused on the flowers at his feet, the way the petals looked so pristinely white against the carpeted floor. “I know I wasn’t the son you wanted me to be. Growing up, you’d always talk about what a great warrior I’d be, how I’d bring home the perfect Shadowhunter girl and start a new line of Lightwood’s to carry our legacy. And I tried, dad, I really tried but I couldn’t.” The tightening in his throat grew worse with each word and he wasn’t aware of the tears falling down his cheek until one hit a flower, the water running down onto the ground. He reached up to wipe his eyes before moving his hands to his sides, his fists clenched against the suit. “And I was so angry with myself. I wanted you to be proud. But Jace was always a better fighter, Izzy was always more confident and I was a disappointment. For so long, I felt like a disappointment. I couldn’t look at any of my family without feeling like you all hated me.” 

More tears had rolled down his cheeks, but he didn’t bother to wipe them away this time. His fists clenched tighter, nails digging into the palm of his hands. “And then I met Magnus… and he made me forget it all. I didn’t care if I wasn’t that perfect son you wanted. I had someone who finally understood. I didn’t care at all. Until the dark war, until that kiss. And everything came rushing back to me. You hated me. You took the Inquisitor job because you couldn’t be around me. We had lost Max, and you couldn’t even put your feelings aside for that.” Alec couldn’t tell if what he was saying was audible anymore. The tears had turned into sobs that racked through his throat as almost a decades worth of emotions let themselves free. 

“And when we took in Max… it all changed. You accepted him as my son, as your grandson, despite the circumstances. You played with him, bought him food, toys and diapers. I was so happy. I finally had my dad, the dad that I wanted all those years ago.” He looked up now, looked at the face of the man that had raised him for all those years, the face that he wouldn’t be seeing again after today. “I thought I had more time, dad. To get to know you properly and so you could get to know me properly as well. I thought that we could’ve looked back on all of those years and laugh at how stupid we must have been to let emotions get in the way of our relationship. But you’re gone... I hope you were able to be proud of me, because I was proud of you. Not because you were the Inquisitor, well that too I guess, but because you were able to accept me as I am. Accept that my family was yours even though time wasn’t on our side. I’m glad I finally got my dad back.” Alec wiped his eyes, letting the sobs take over his words as he ran out of things to say. And he stayed there, crying into his shirt sleeves until he felt a hand gently touch his arm. He looked up, startled until he made out the blonde hair through his teary eyes and then he was hugging Jace with all he had. Despite being taller, Alec buried his head in his parabatai’s shoulder as Jace rubbed his back gently, knowing exactly what calmed down his partner best. Time seemed to halt then, neither of them were aware of how long they stood in the middle of the room, only focused on each other. Once the crying had turned into nothing more than silent tears, Jace pulled back from the hug, his own tears forming in his golden eyes. 

“The Silent Brothers are ready, they need the room empty.” Jace’s voice was quiet, lacking the cockiness that was prominent most of the time. Alec nodded, wiping his eyes one last time before standing up straight, letting any emotion hide itself away again. He was the eldest Lightwood after all, he was a warrior, a lover, a father and he was going to make sure his dad was proud of him for as long as he lived.


End file.
